Pull me close, try and understand [Rue, 13 June]

[radio_gaga]

Pride has been a whirlwind. Robin feels like she'll be dazed for the next week, overcome by the color and the pride and the total lack of fear that had surrounded them all. It's a spark she's going to carry in her chest for the rest of her life, she thinks. Even if she goes back to Hawkins and forgets everything, she wants to believe she'd hold onto this.

This weekend is kind of the culmination of...a lot of emotions she simultaneously doesn't want to contemplate and wants to dream about forever. A few weeks ago, she told Rue, if obliquely, about her feelings. Since then, she's tried to stay in contact, to act normal. She's still a little scared that Rue is going to realize that this is crazy and that she's crazy, but there's a part of her that's growing ever louder and it tells her that Rue isn't going to run away.

It's what's got her constantly glancing over her shoulder, just in case Rue is here.

Comments

[selfishdreamer]

This whole Pride thing has never really been Rue's thing.

Not that she's not like, proud or whatever it means, she's just not really into parades, or big street parties where she doesn't know anyone. At least when she's sober. Which she is today. And which she's trying to correct by heading across town to this one senior's house who she's heard will sell to her.

She doesn't mean to get lost in the crowd, but she's okay with it, when she spots a familiar face among all the glitter and rainbows and smiling faces. And before she knows it, she's one of those smiling people too, which is pretty fucking lame, but it's not like she can help it.

"Hey," she says, tapping Robin on the shoulder, "I... I didn't think this was really your kind of thing."

[radio_gaga]

Robin can't help the way she smiles when she sees Rue. Her whole body feels fizzy, like she just chugged a giant soda and the bubbles have entered her veins. Things with Rue aren't totally rock solid yet but it still makes her crazy and excited at the idea of Rue, maybe, being into her.

"I don't know if this is my thing," she admits. "I've never seen a Pride before." Robin wonders if there are still tear marks on her cheeks from earlier, when she'd felt so overwhelmed and hopeful that she'd actually cried.

"I didn't know I could ever do this."

[selfishdreamer]

Rue doesn't realize it until Robin says the words. She's been in Darrow more than half a year now, and she still forgets that people come from all over. From any place, and any time.

"...you didn't have this when you come from, did you?" she asks, though she's pretty sure she already knows the answer.

[radio_gaga]

"Nope." Robin tries to be casual but her voice cracks the tiniest bit and totally gives her away. "I didn't know what to expect, honestly, but..." She smiles and it's embarrassed and a little wobbly. Everyone here is so perfectly fucking fearless.

"It's amazing."

[selfishdreamer]

"It's... kinda cool, I guess," Rue says, and she smiles a little at the thing Robin's voice does, and completely forgets for the moment that she was headed somewhere else. It just doesn't seem all that important anymore.

"Do you... maybe want to check out some of the booths? It's cool if you're busy, though."

[radio_gaga]

Ever since DarrowFest, Robin's been letting herself read into the things that Rue says, just a little. It's a lot nicer than denying there's anything between them, even if things have been completely crazy since then. After the monsters disappeared, Robin had sort of been left uncertain, but not without hope.

"No, I'm definitely not," she says, smiling a little right back. "You're not busy are you?"

[selfishdreamer]

"No, I'm definitely, completely not busy," Rue says, and she's suddenly wondering if maybe Robin will hold her hand. They kind of left things unsettled after all the shit that went down at Darrowfest, so she isn't sure.

"I got here after this happened last year, so I haven't been to this either," she goes on to say.

[radio_gaga]

"Yeah, me too." Robin smiles and scrubs at her face with the back of her hand. There's no hiding the way her cheeks are streaky and her eyes are red. "I'd probably have been as much of a mess if I'd made it in time for that one, honestly."

Blowing out a breath, trying to act casual, Robin swings her hands back and forth in front of her. They linger in the air like she's going to grab Rue's hands, but she can't quite finish the action.

The awkwardness is obvious and Robin chooses to acknowledge it instead of pretend it away. "You make me so nervous."

[selfishdreamer]

Rue sees how Robin's hands almost reach for hers, and she starts to do the same, pausing when Robin says something else.

"...I make you nervous?" she asks, not sure what that means and if maybe she's reading everything wrong after all. Maybe that doesn't make a lot of sense, but all she can think about is that day in Jules's room and how fucking wrong that had gone.

[radio_gaga]

It actually gives her a little bit of hope, seeing Rue's hands come up, and Robin wishes she'd had the guts to follow through. "Yeah," she admits, laughing at herself, her fingers twisting together in front of her. "You're so cool and..."

Robin takes in a breath, because she should just go ahead and say it. "I like you, a lot. And I don't want to, like, screw it up."

[selfishdreamer]

"I'm not..." Rue starts to say, but stops herself, if only because she'll have to get into how fucked up she is if she finishes that sentence. If Robin actually likes her now, Rue's convinced there's no way she will if she finds out about all of her bullshit. Last summer. The shit with Jules. The shit in Darrow so far.

Robin would probably never look at her the same way again.

Rue looks down at her own hands, and twists one of her rings on her finger before she looks up at Robin again.

"I don't think there's anything you could do to make me not like you," she says.

[radio_gaga]

That's...not what Robin expected, honestly. She can think of dozens of things that she's been told make her unlikable. The list would roll across the floor before they even got to her being a lesbian. Too mouthy, too hyper, too stuck up, the list goes on and on.

Bewildered, she points at herself like Rue must be talking about someone else.

"I'm pretty sure it's the other way around."

[selfishdreamer]

Rue is absolutely sure that there's something she could do. She's done... a lot of shit to give people reason to hate her. But at least for now, maybe there's hope.

She hesitates, only for a moment, then reaches out to take Robin's hand in hers.

"...so maybe we both try not to screw it up?" she says, and she thinks that Robin will get what she means.

[radio_gaga]

They've held hands before, even if it was just the one time, but it's still the most contact that Robin's ever gotten to share with someone she likes. She hopes she's not blushing because it's such a small thing, except that it's Rue and she's...

She's not saying no. Hopefully, Robin turns her hand so she can better lace their fingers together.

"Not screwing up is definitely a good place to start."